I found the perfect hand towels for my Alice Cooper themed half bath. True story.

He frequently voiced how much he loved them. It was as if every time he’d use the bathroom, he’d mention the towels.

For months, he had been gifting me the same items he’d buy himself or had been purchasing the same items I had. Although a part of me thought it was odd, there was another part that found it to be a compliment to my taste or style. I’ve since learned those with personality disorders sometimes mimic others. The theory is their identity never formed or despite an inflated ego, they don’t like themselves so they copy others to fit in. But also, it is a form of love bombing, bonding. My ex has an obvious pattern with copying others and recreating past events because I keep seeing it repeat as I work through the process of recovery; remembering instances.

When Christmas came around, I bought him the full bath set of the same towels since he seemed to like them so much. I fell into his trap and didn’t realize what I was doing. I forgot about the towels until yesterday. Yesterday he posted a pic of the towels on social media.

I admit, I check his Instagram through a google search every once in a while. I’m beyond pining over this dude. I find myself looking less and less often, not even thinking about it. But there are times I go back to see if I can get myself another trigger to put more pieces of this crazy confusing puzzle together.

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I received an unexpected Amazon package one day. He surprised me with ‘The Design of Everyday Things’ as he knows I appreciate all aspects of art/design and mediums. It seemed to be a thoughtful gift and it arrived just as I was preparing for a hiking trip, for which I planned to read during the evenings.

Once again, he bought himself the same item. 

As my vehicle’s lease was coming to an end, I would throw around ideas for my next possible ride. So many times he would tell me to get a Jeep Wrangler, but it must be white.

“It’d be so hot. You’d look smoke driving that around.”

Because I observed his social media activity, I knew he was only saying that because one of his Instagram “favorites” drives a white Jeep Wrangler and frequently posts photos of herself posing with it.

A few years ago, my employer was the AOR for a major racing event. I had the pleasure of working with full access. Although it was years before we were dating, he took note from social media posts documenting my exciting behind-the-scenes experience.

He too, attended that year as a first time spectator and made sure I noticed he was in attendance through his social media updates and by engaging me through comments on my photos.

Now, every year he rallies his crew for “Bro Day” to attend the race and adopted it as if it was his own thing. I’ve only experienced this race the one time I worked the event. I have so many cherished memories from that weekend, but racing isn’t in my realm of interests. He’s had this weird hang up about it since that year I worked it. He’d always say how “coo” it was. Not cool, but coo.

He has an odd pattern after a breakup. Shortly after “the ex” broke up with him, he rushed out to purchase himself a kayak and has one of his friend’s keep it at the yacht club where she is a member. He began posting several photos of himself kayaking on social media. “The ex” is the kayaker. I never recall ever hearing of him paddling in open waters prior to this time.

After I broke up with him, he’d post photos to catch my attention too. As seen here, here and here.  I do not consider myself a runner. A novice, perhaps. But while we were together I decided to challenge myself and give it a whirl. I ended up running six races in my first year. Immediately after I left him, he started posting photos of his nightly runs. Again, I never recall ever hearing of him running. He also began texting me photos of himself at the gym. I’m a former NPC competitor and although I’ve hung up the heels, I still train about six days per week. Fitness and nutrition are important to me. It’s part of my lifestyle.

He tried to appeal to my interests with the following statement in a letter post break-up: “I will join you in self-focus. I have been working out and running at night so that the person you may come back to is one you would want. I have set a goal for myself to lose 50 pounds and I have already lost over 15.”

He lovvvves to wear his finest yacht club gear. He also buys logo’d sweatshirts for his out-of-state family as gifts.

Fun fact: He’s not a member. “The ex” is the yacht club member. His bff and a few others from his social circle are members. He just likes to think he is… and of course have everyone else think he’s a member of a fancy yacht club while he mooches off their luxuries and hospitality… summer days at the pool… a place to keep his copycat kayak… drinks at the al fresco grill… access to boat races… social status fakery.

I think I’m still in shock since discovering so many intimate photos of my ex with his cousin. I would expect to see photos of him and another woman before me, or even uncover photos confirming infidelities, but his cousin?! I needed reassurance I wasn’t crazy or jumping to conclusions. I shared the photos with friends and my therapist. Everyone agrees they are exasperating and sexual boundaries have been crossed. I’m still trying to process. It’s revolting… to the point that I’ve become physically ill thinking about it.

I’m sure there are other disturbing secrets. I referenced his online photo album again to look for more clues. I did learn of more lies or deceptions: The bar and beach fight. He copycatted another trip with me.

In the pics of his cousin “L”, I saw a name of a bar on a random employee’s shirt in the background. That is the same bar he dragged me to in the cold. He hyped it up with his memories of good summer times when he was there 10 years prior. As if it was the coolest bar he’s ever been to. He also talked about what a great time had at the beach listening to music and hanging out. And that’s why he wanted to go to the beach that night, despite it being the last day in January. 11 o’clock at night. In Chicago.

Because he is notorious for retelling stories over and over and over, months later he mentioned his amazing summer Chicago trip was actually with an ex. Up until then I always envisioned him there with his college crew of bros. I can’t remember if he told me it was with his ex, “C” (His Dating Timeline: R, Cousin L, C, S, The Ex, me) or if I just assumed it was “C” since I thought they dated roughly 10 years ago. I do know he always talked about those summer days in Chicago with a fondness. I do know he eventually said it was with a girl he dated. And now I know that girl is his cousin.

It’s taking everything in me to hold on. To survive. I literally don’t even know anymore.

He would buy me little gifts of things he’d see while out running errands. Little gifts to show he was thinking of me. Some, I will admit, were good. He seemed to know my taste and style.

But there was an odd pattern with some of the gifts he would give; he would buy himself the exact same item. Figurines, books, houseplants, household items…

He also would buy himself the same items of things I purchased for myself. I bought new plants this summer for my patio. He ran out to the same store and got the exact plants for his deck. The most bizarre copycat purchase was his bedding. Shortly after I treated myself to a king-sized bed, he bought himself a king-sized bed. He then got the same duvet cover, sheets and even the same featherbed as me.